Folder personalized

My mother visited me last weekend.

I had made her a folder in white,brown and black.

The folder is originally blue as you can see.

 I gather it would have been best with a white or black folder so the front and the inside coordinated in colours. 

But I only had a blue one. 

How to:

It is very simple.

Firstly finding some paper I thought would work together.

Then ripping them into suitable seizes.

Then whit a gluestick, 

putting glue on the back of the paper,

 and then sticking in onto the folder the right place.

I used cut outs from magazines, music sheets, teabags and gift-wrapping paper.

You could then cover the paper with some lacquer to make it more durable.

I chose not to, simply because it takes such a darn long time to put on several layers.

 

I have already sorted my paper stash in colours.

(I am a freak like that, but I just love to colour-sort things)

So I got, a blue, a red, a green, a yellow, a purple and a white/brown/black little box filled with paper.

My mother brought me flowers from their garden.

lovely

On life

 The cat relaxing (when dosen't she?!), notice the curtains

I,

feel good.

> did I just write that?!

I am finally getting my life back.

Well I should say:

I am finally getting A LIFE,

because it is in fact too long ago I had a normal regular boring old life,

no,

I mean a bloody fantastic life. 

OK I am not quite there yet,

but I am feeling the progress towards something better.

Now you might think I am setting myself up for a huge let down,

 thinking life is supposed to be fantastic.

But you got to see it from my point of view.

A lot of my life I though life was a pain in the butt. Hated it. Despised it.

Thinking life was this horrible thing you had to endure.

Having been so sad that the half could be enough.

Now I am finding, that life is not at all supposed to be that way,

which is rather surprising.

So you see life is fantastic in a way.

(Ok, life is also horrible, terrible and sad, but just let me cling to this positive thought for just a bit)

But maybe, just maybe, one day

-Soon, I will have enough energy to clean my apartment by myself

- Soon, I will have enough energy to cook proper meals every day for myself

- Soon, I will have enough energy to start exercising 

- I can actually cope with a class situation

- I can actually take an education

- I can actually get a job, and maybe even like it

- I might even achieve my biggest dream of a house and garden in the countryside

 Been making a pompom garland for my bedroom out of leftover yarn.

The pompoms are pretty rough,

but they'll do.

I started knitting this scarf lately ,

but now I have finally decided to give up.

I just wasn't happy with it.

unravel unravel

Guest towels

 Been knitting guest towels.

A pretty easy project,

good for when watching tons of tv.

 

65 sts wide

 

 77 sts wide

just now

I have started knitting a scarf,

but I have started and unravelled it 4 times or so.

Different seize needle, different wideness of the scarf.

Now though I have settled on a seize 5 needle and a 25 cm wide scarf.

(the knitting on the picture is one of my 4 tries)

I hope it will look real nice once I have blocked it.

----------------

I have finally, finally started being creative again,

and its lovely :)

Today my mother came around, 

and helped me,

getting some clothes washed,

shopping for food,

library visit,

and a trip to the local flea market.

very nice.

I bought 4 books at the flea market.

2 of them are botanical book, which I use to draw and paint from.

And this little one,

she just lies around looking adorable.

ink

 1. Fountain pen with ink cardriges

2. calligraphy pen to use with ink bottle

3. ordinary pen (felt tipped pen)

Ink Ink Ink

Normally I write with a fountain pen  (I write in a diary),

but I ran out of ink cardriges.

So instead I changed to a calligraphy pen with ink in a bottle.

I had already run out of ordinary pens you see.

But anyways, it was all going well, and I was enjoying it

 untill -----

I, of course, knocked over the ink bottle.

Ink all over the place.

On my desk, in my keyboard, in my pc mouse, onto my varnished floor, 

(that have around a million scratches  because of my cat.)

Now, all of the scratches are jet black.

ehm

ups

But, it had to happen one day.

-----

Now I have bought myself some normal pens..

  

After the ink

 

How the rest of the floor looks like

unravelling

 A shawl in cotton I started on while I was at the hospital.

Now though I find it boring, So I unravelled it.

A double knit scarf I started on in December, 

when I got some yarn and a knitting book with fair isle patterns.

Now I just really don't feel like it.

So I rather wanna start on a completely new project when I feel like it again.

- so I unravelled it.

Just now

 Selma in the sink.

She could harly lie still enough for me to take a picture of her,

she was that excited.

Excited about being petted,

 and of the chance,

 that I might just turn on the tap!

Her absolute favourite thing in the world,

must be when I turn on the tap in the bathroom.

Every time I go in the direction of the bathroom,

she storms ahead and jumps into the sink,

just in case I was going to turn on the tap

 Selma in one of her favourite spot at the moment.

My latest project.

I have started in a knitting club  on Fridays,

so I obviously have to have something to knit on.

Not that I actually feel like knitting.

But just when I was getting to the exciting part of the pattern,

my understanding of the pattern failed.

typical

The pattern is "dew drops shawl" from ravelry.com

And I don't get it, at all.

sadly

So now I am going to unravel it,
and try something else.

Just now

My newly polished copper table :)

Today,

I cleaned up in my kitchen.

It was a frightful mess.

And, 

I washed some things by hand!

(I have a dishwasher so most things go into that)

Something I have only done 2 times now,

in the last year.

I know it can sound weird that I haven't been able to do something that simple,

but that is what it is like being ill.

Because I haven't had much energy the last, 

well, long time.

I have had to have a rather limited and simple diet:

oatmeal, cornflakes, milk, yoghurt, bread, nutella, fruit

 and then once in a while, pancakes or a fried egg and bacon.

But hopefully, now I am getting better,

I will be able to expand my diet somewhat.

I am looking much forward to it!

fleamarket

 Went to a fleamarket today with my mother.

I got a pair of salt and pepper shakers,

a crossword book,

a sleeveless top,

a shirt,

two spoons and two forks,

and some poppy seeds and cumin seeds.

salt and pepper shakers:

The salt top is sadly much more worn than the pepper one,

but nothing to do about that.

They are still sweet,

and I have been looking for a pair of shakers.

-----------------

I am doing well 

(did I just write that?)

Been cooking dinner for myself for a couple of days,

have been cleaning up after myself as well.

Both something I usually do not do.

At all.

It has helped though,

that I have had some days without all of the stupid thoughts,

and all that jazz.

Its a rather odd feeling, 

but I must admit that things look more bright that ever.

Ode to my depression

I am doing pretty well to tell you the truth.

BUT, I have lost my main passion : creativity.

I do not know why, now that I am indeed better, my depression steels my creativity.

It is a mystery

Before I continue, 

I should tell,

 that I 4½ years ago,

 went down with a depression and social phobia.

And since then, 

I have suffered from Dysthymia and social phobia.

Until I 1 year ago decided to get hospitalized and get help. 

Which is why I am now better.

Ode to my Depression

I am claming that I am better than I have been for years.

And that is the truth.

The depression is but almost gone.

My faithful companion has gone and left me!

With no lingering goodbyes or anything.

It just upped and left.

And I feel rather lost without it to tell you the truth.

It may sound weird, but so it is.

I am left with nothing.

I am grasping at thin air, 

trying to grope my way through life,

without my faithful companion.

One could claim that a depression is no fit companion,

but is all I ever had.

And I had grown rather fond of it.

I knew it ever so well, and it knew me.

really,

What am I without my depression?!

Botanical prints in frames

 Forget-me-not (Myosotis Scorpioides)

 creeping cinquefoil (potentilla reptan)

I finally got around putting the botanical prints I bought at a fleamarket, into frames.

I fitted it with some music sheets that I got,

 when we cleaned my grandmothers house,

 after she passed away.

just now

 I am still not feeling up for anything creative,

but I have gone a bit further on my blanket,

so I have been a tiny little bit creative I guess.

Here the kitty is modelling on the folded blanket;)

Here is a post I did at the start on the blanket.

 One of my orchids is in bloom

 I need to put the botanical prints I bought on the flea market into frames

As you can see they don't quite fit,

so I have to fill out the frames with something.

Thinking some old music papers will do.

-------------------------

My goal today was/is: to emty my dishwasher and fill it up again - done

        and the hardest one,  not to nap

Visit from my cousin

Have had my cousin visiting me for a couple of days.

Saturday,

I vacuumed, picked her up, we shopped for food, baked a cake, went for a run (me out running!) cooked dinner, cleaned  and then watched a film.

Much, much more than I normally do in a day.

Victory,

and quite a nice day:)

Thank you cousin!

Sunday,

We went to a big fleamarket in Copenhagen.

Where I bought a silk shirt, two botanical prints and a pair of earrings.

just now

 Witch hazel

the kitty in the livingroom window

I am feeling totally uninspired

very boring.

just now

 I have been working on a beret, 

but close to the finish I realised it was too big,

and the colorchangeing yarn doesn't suit my fancy.

Been doing a bit of painting, 

with my botanical books

Besides the above I have really just been sleeping my days away, and watching tons of tv

-exceptionally boring I tell you!

kitty and yarn for stash

The Kitty and I use most of our time sleeping these days.

It gotta change, 

at least for me.

(I will let the sweet kitty sleep all she like, as long as she lets me kiss her 50 times a day;) )

More yarn for my stash.

Some I bought, some of it I got from my mother.

Most of it is going towards my blue Afghan/blanket.

socks

Socks knitted from the toe up.

knitted 2 at a time.

60 sts in the round.
60 sts are really too much for my seize 37,
but in "1 knit, 1 purl"-rib it fits. 
My fifth pair ever to have knit,
am rather pleased with them.

-------------------------------
All I can think of at the moment is to sleep and sleep.
There is nothing I wanna do.
Nothing creative I feel like.
It's bloody annoying.

fair isle knit

 So I got that Fair Isle book.

Now I have to start learning from it.

I am going to start up slowly, with easy designs and such .
And then gradually make it more advanced.

First I started one project, the one you see on the picture below.

Where I changed colour after each pattern.

But that was a bit too much for me

 Then I started a new project, 

where I only use two colours at a time,

to first to get to know the patterns.

It is still a bit over my head,

 but If I take it slowly I might be able to do it.

I think....

practice makes perfect - I hope:)

2012

2012

2012 has been a bloody,fucking, crappy year.

Pardon the swearing.

There really is no other way to describe it.

It was at the hospital for 5 month being treated for depression and social phobia,

It has been hard, really hard.

Bloody hard. 

But, 

yes there is a but.

Things have changed.

It is a weird sensation,

not being depressed 24/7 any more.

Its just plain odd.

I hope for good things in 2013.

Fingers, legs and arms crossed

Even though I have been very ill,

my creativity has helped me a whole lot.

Below you see the result of many hours of 2012

 bookmarks

 Christmas cards

 Folded christmas hearts

 A pair of mittens, a pair of wristwarmers with fingers, christmas balls, a cable scarf for my brother

 A tie for my brother, a pair of socks, a cowl, a shawl

 Legwarmers

 necklaces

 decoupage/collage

wristwarmers