This is to all of you whom I love
I think it is only fair, for me to tell you about what is really going on with me.
This, you should know, I could never tell you face to face, or basically in any other way than this.
I am going through a really though time at the moment, have been, for way too long.
Each day is a fight to me.
Some days I cannot even get out of bed - this is not because of laziness, but because I am sick.
My biggest problem is a habit of constantly hating myself, and not acknowledging the things I do accomplice. Almost all of the time I feel misunderstood, and hated by all around me, which again makes it harder for myself to like who I am.
You must understand that I look differently at the world than you most likely do.
Because I have not been well for a long time, I have found that many of my ideas about life apparently is completely wrong.
So it is not just a question about time healing my wounds, but me actively working with my problems.
Which has shown to be the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.
Constantly working with your inner feelings, emotions and ideas is not just difficult, but very hard. What ever energy I got, is drained completely.
I hope this will somehow have made you better understand why I still can't be the full me, whoever that is.
I wish you all a Merry Christmas